How to Love your PhD Student

In the previous post, I wrote about the ups and downs common to many PhD students. So how can we best love our PhD student during these time? Here are some ideas (and please add yours to the comments):

Pray with him and for him. Pray for wisdom, confidence in His calling from God, peace from anxiety about finances or the future, for a sharp mind, for Godly friendships, for a good relationship with his supervisor, and for everything else that is associated with his highs and lows.
Fill your mind with the Word of God that you may be able to encourage him with scripture. A PhD student in theology spends a lot of time reading the Bible but also a lot of time reading extra-Biblical texts and secondary literature (often from people he disagrees with). A simple quote can encourage him tremendously.
Listen to him when he wants to talk about the minutia of his research. Listen to him when he does not want to talk.
Similarly, engage with his topic. Even though it may be hard to understand the point of the PhD topic, when you engage with his topic then you can talk intelligently about what he is doing and may even become interested in the minutia that he was telling you about earlier.
Support and encourage him with words and actions. We recently changed our household pattern to include downtime for our kids on the iPad at 5:30 pm when my husband comes home so that I can be working on dinner and so that we have a few minutes to talk when he first arrives at home. This has been a great change that allows him time to decompress when he gets home. Maybe he wants to be fully engaged with tackles and noise when he gets home, so see what works for your family.
Ask him what he needs. If he needs more time, then work together to figure out how to give him that time. If he needs time off, then unbegrudgingly give him opportunities for that time. The only way that I can personally do this is to see my calling to love and support him as equally signficant and important as his calling to study. It is not my right to check out when he gets home because I have been with the kids all day. God has placed me in my role and equipped me to do it well.
When he is feeling low, then ask him what he needs. Some may need ‘tough love’ while others need sincere encouragement.
Leave a love note in his briefcase.
Cook his favorite foods or buy him a special treat.
Sometimes he may feel like a failure and may feel guilty for ‘dragging’ you and your family into this, but remind him that he is intelligent, that it is a family calling, and that you are happily onboard.
Encourage him not to compare himself to other scholars. Remind him that everyone is uniquely gifted and that everyone comes from different backgrounds.
Remember that writing and reading in a quiet library all day may seem simple, but it is real work and is very demanding.
Make sure that you have alone time together. Plan date nights. Plan getaways of extended time together.
Most importantly, be content in your own heart. Meditate on the wonderful work of Christ as all-sufficient and be content whatever your circumstance not wishing for your old life or for your future life when you are finally settled somewhere and earning money. God has given enough for the day; do not worry about yesterday or tomorrow.